I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
