just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
