Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
