fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
