i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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