Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
