he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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