i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
