Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
