He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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