apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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