Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wear drunk well.
Randomize