I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
