even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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