Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
