my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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