There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
