last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
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a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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