Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
