dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
