Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
