In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
that may or may not have been my penis.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
