How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
