Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
