at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
