I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
