I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
