My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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