How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
