CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
