ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
