Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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