I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
