Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
