Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
