we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
