I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
