Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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