I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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