I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
