So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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