i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
