cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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