I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
