my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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