i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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