SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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