I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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