There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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