I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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