Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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