omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
