i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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