Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We don't watch enough power rangers
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
