we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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