I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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