As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
