Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
