Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
