i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
