Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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