I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
