dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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