plz talk dirty to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
