I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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