I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love you. Go after that dick
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