apparently the secret to your success is patron
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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