that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
