i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
