just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
