And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
