4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
