You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
