The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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