is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
