At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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