look no pants
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
