Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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