The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize